This is a list of 10 things that I will admit to doing that you may or may not admit to doing yourself. However, if you do/have done them also, please let me know so I don’t feel like the only one.
- If no one is in a public restroom with me and I am in a hurry I will bypass washing my hands to save time out of my busy schedule. Don’t say “Gross!” I know you’ve done it before.
- I have Facebook “friends” on whose posts I will often comment and like, but if I see them in the grocery store I pretend not to see them or appear to be completely distracted by something in the distance to avoid saying hello, because they’re meant to stay on Facebook.
- When driving in the fast lane on an interstate, I usually go 10 mph over the speed limit (at least…shhhh) and when I pass the
speed-trapshiding spaces of the police I ease up a bit on the gas. If there’s no one parked there I speed back up as if I got away with something, chuckling to myself and driving like I stole it.
- In a boring meeting I will sometimes look at all the men in the room and put them in order of the likelihood that I would sleep with them. You don’t?
- Every time I pump gas I always shake it at the end, but then it reminds me of when men shake “it” when they finish urinating so I look around to see if anyone noticed and thinks I might be a hermaphrodite. (Yes, I really think that sometimes.)
- When I am on the treadmill at the gym, I look at the next person’s speed and levels out of the corner of my eye and if they are as fat as I am I will turn my speed up by 1/10th of a mph faster. Winning.
When I make plans with someone and they cancel I am secretly relieved. I try not to sound happy. (No, not you…everybody else!)
If I am in an expensive store and really like something, I will turn it over and if the price is too high I will hold it up to me to make it seem like it doesn’t fit and then put it back with a look of disappointment.
If someone spits on my face accidentally in conversation, I either ignore it until they turn around or I pretend that I have an itch and wipe it away, and I totally judge them until I feel clean again.
- If I sit down on the commode in my master bathroom in the afternoon, and a DirectTV installer is climbing a ladder outside the bathroom window and stops right in his tracks as he sees me sitting there and we make eye contact, I pretend I don’t see him so he can climb back down and we never speak of it again.
Ok! That should let me reveal a little bit of me to you…and now that we’re good friends and getting to know each other on another level, why don’t you leave me some comments on things you do that I probably also do too. That way we both feel stupid, and it’s not just me….alone.