TOP DEFINITION :
A particularly loud, obnoxious, or opinionated woman who freely shares her (often under-informed) opinions. Example: “Lindsay keeps trying to tell me that she knows more about sports than I do, what a mouthy broad.”
So, an old friend told me tonight that “Near death has made you a mouthy broad!” Well I could not be more pleased. In fact, thank the Lord that it took something like my almost dying in a car wreck recently to bring me back to my real self. Don’t ask me where the real self has been all these years….I really don’t know. What’s important is that I think I remember who I was and who I want to be again. For the past few years, I just haven’t bothered with anything. Do you know what I mean? As in….”Oh look! It’s the Eglestons from church in the cookie aisle; we should go say Hello!” but why bother??? I am keenly aware of how that sounds, but for years, I just didn’t care. I think I even stopped smiling at people and simply did the head nod with a stoic face. Shameful! Oh well, it happened.
You know what? People change over the years. I know I did. I used to be a very personable (read: over-confident) girl when I was in art school. I made and had literally hundreds of friends. Not all of them liked me to the same degree; in fact about 50% of them just wanted to sleep with me. But that was art school (and people drank a lot in art school.) I think when you grow up, or just have kids? that something makes you slow down and stop caring about being the “It Girl” as much. Ok, it’s just me. I just wanted to be the “It Mom.” Perhaps I was for a while. By the time my daughter was two, I had bought my own house, purchased several very nice cars, dressed my child well, had a cute little figure and never had to balance my check book; life was delicious. I was “contained.” My old self was in her cage with a cover over it, like a parakeet sleeping.
Fast forward ten years. Why? Because I’m the writer and I can do that. So, ten years later I’m in a marriage. I’m overweight. I’m not pretty anymore. I don’t go out into public because I don’t want people to see how fat I’ve gotten. It doesn’t matter why I got fat or who I blame for it….they’ll see that I’m just plain fat. So I stop bothering…with anything. I don’t paint anymore, I don’t write music, poetry, design or make of my own clothes, I don’t do anything creative anymore.
Yet one night, I take my daughter out to practice driving in the neighborhood, and we are nearly killed in a terrible car accident. I am lucky to be alive today and that is a fact. When people say “You should see the other guy!” Well you should see that car! Totally crushed. Anyway…I came home from the hospital the day after this accident in one piece and with thoughts racing through my head. I wanted to talk to the people I went to college with 29 years ago. I wanted to know what they remembered about me. I wanted to know if my paintings had been important at one time. I wanted to cling to those who were just as grateful as I that I made it. I was grasping onto life again!
Weeks have passed since the accident…I’m slipping into my old cadence of The Mundane. It’s all fine. I can’t be bothered…or can I? My father-in-law makes a comment on Facebook “How can women with a pretty face think they’re still attractive if they are overweight?” Oh thank you Heavenly Father for restoring my feelings back to me on this day! Hell hath no fury like a woman back from the dead! I posted his comment all over Facebook for everyone to see….so they would comment back to him for me and it was glorious. Sure, I could let things like that roll off my back like a duck…but guess what? I’m not a duck! I’m a woman who has been through a lot, and I’m not going to let some man make me feel devalued on Facebook or anywhere else in Life! Heck NO. I am maybe a little more uptight than I used to be, (ok, I’m really uptight.) However, I am going to be my best advocate in life. My mother is in her late 70’s and will not be able to be my cheerleader forever, God bless her. (No seriously, God bless her…she’s absolutely the best person I’ve ever met in my life; but that’s for another post.) I have to fight for myself at this age in my life. I don’t expect my husband to fight for me, or my father, or my friends. I am the best one to know all I’ve been through and all I’m capable of doing. So yeah, I have a little mouth on me now due to almost dying. I know what’s important in life, and today...I bother with it.